Showing posts tagged homonormativity

coffeefortwo asked: Why don't you like marriage? Do you feel the same about civil unions and such?

A few reasons. I think marriage plays a huge role in perpetuating misogynist white male culture, that its deeply rooted in a number of different privileges (meaning that allowing same-sex couples to marry doesn’t truly translate to “marriage equality”), and the fight for “gay marriage” enforces the existing social hierarchy even within the LGBTQ community.

Just look at some of the traditions we associate with weddings — the brides being given away by their fathers to their husbands, for example. They are basically passed down from one man to another. This might not be the exact case with same-sex marriages, but marriage is still a heteronormative institution that queers are attempting to assimilate to, therefore replicating and enforcing the patriarchy. Furthermore, marriage is something that does not affect every member of our community, and yet it is still seen as a measure of the public’s view on  queer acceptance. It is seen as the LGBTQ issue of today. Meanwhile, a lot of people remain blind to the unique oppressions faced by trans members of our community, by queer people of color, etc. Even bisexuals are often marginalized by the language of marriage equality — what if two bisexuals are in a same-sex partnership and wish to marry? Neither of them are gay, but we’ll still refer to their union as a gay marriage.

It just goes to show that white, gay men are still the face of our community and that our goals therefore have a very homonormative focus. Even beyond the implications marriage has for the social hierarchy, there’s one thing marriage privileges above all else that many completely ignore: coupledom. Our society is so structured around couples that it becomes increasingly difficult, as a person grows older, to actually live as a single person (or even as a person in a polyamorous relationship). Think of all the protective benefits of marriage when it comes to taxes, health insurance, etc. These are things that are basically necessary for us to live, yet they’re not afforded to single people in the same way.

There’s a lot more I could elaborate on, but it would probably turn into an entire essay. Check out the article “Is Gay Marriage Anti-Black?” by Kenyon Farrow and “Why I Hate Gay Marriage, or, Notes on Queering Black Gay and Lesbian Politics” by Frank Leon Roberts for some more interesting commentary on the implications of marriage for the queer community and people of color.

Civil unions obviously don’t have the same history that I’m referring to when it comes to marriage, so I don’t feel quite the same way about them. I’d rather see civil unions in this country (for heterosexuals as well) than marriage.

This photo is from last week’s Pride parade in New York. Everyone is always pretty friendly in allowing me to take their photo at these events — it’s one of the only times people are that gracious about having a stranger stick a camera in their face, and it’s one of the things I love about NYC Pride. I also love that it’s one of the most racially diverse queer events you could ever participate in. Not every state is that lucky. What I hate about Pride, though, is that like any queer-related event, the focus is still on very homonormative goals and values. This year, there was a lot of focus on DADT and on marriage, as there was last year. Don’t get me wrong, when I decided to sneak into the march last year, I ended up walking with Marriage Equality NY - and they were lovely people! But the emphasis on “gay marriage” is problematic for a number of reasons: it ignores the fact that not everyone who wants a same-sex marriage is gay, and it also prioritizes marriage (something that mainly affects gays and lesbians) over issues that affect the other letters in our acronym, such as trans-inclusive hate crime legislation. Last year, I was at an LGBTQ conference with other colleges in the Northeast, and we were asked to state our opinions on a number of issues affecting our community by standing in various boxes ranging from strongly agree to strongly disagree. When marriage came up, 95% of students strongly disagreed with Prop 8. When HRC’s actions concerning ENDA came up, 95% of students stared blankly at the man asking us questions, as they had no clue what he was talking about. Let’s think about this for a minute: a bunch of students living on the east coast were up to date and very much concerned with a law in California concerning marriage, yet none of them knew about HRC lying to the trans community and pushing for a non-inclusive ENDA, an action that probably set our community back a good decade. They’ve since apologized, but it’s still troubling that this doesn’t quite register as a big concern within the LGBTQ community.I also saw a lot of “born gay” signs this year, a phrase that annoys me more and more every time I hear it. I think it’s one of the worst approaches to homophobia our community has ever created. Besides the fact that it (absurdly) singles sexual orientation down to this one so-called “gay gene,” it assumes gender by suggesting that biology predetermines our attraction to gender. If we understand gender to be biologically innate (rather than a social construct), the “born gay” standpoint further complicates the LGB relationship with the trans community, and we have enough tension there to begin with. “Born gay” is an easy comeback to the argument that homosexuality is unnatural as well as the religious argument, but it’s more problematic than anything else, and completely ignores the fluidity of sexuality.In addition to the born gay posters were signs that appropriated the language of the Civil Rights Movement. I believe I’ve posted about this before (one one of my blogs, at least), but I’m bothered by it so much more after Prop 8. As it is, offending the black community by equating our struggle with the Civil Rights Movement does nothing to help our relationship with people of color, but it’s especially offensive after we blamed black and Latino voters for the outcome of Prop 8. And that was only after opponents of Prop 8 did not go into communities of color to appeal for their vote in the first place…I still love Pride events, and I always enjoy myself in the craziness of it all. But we’re not immune to homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, or racism just because we are a fairly progressive community. As a community so focused on our own oppression, we should be more conscious of the prejudice within our own community and the voices we silence in favor of the ones more marketable to heteronormative society. (cross-posted on my main blog) View high resolution

This photo is from last week’s Pride parade in New York. Everyone is always pretty friendly in allowing me to take their photo at these events — it’s one of the only times people are that gracious about having a stranger stick a camera in their face, and it’s one of the things I love about NYC Pride. I also love that it’s one of the most racially diverse queer events you could ever participate in. Not every state is that lucky. What I hate about Pride, though, is that like any queer-related event, the focus is still on very homonormative goals and values.

This year, there was a lot of focus on DADT and on marriage, as there was last year. Don’t get me wrong, when I decided to sneak into the march last year, I ended up walking with Marriage Equality NY - and they were lovely people! But the emphasis on “gay marriage” is problematic for a number of reasons: it ignores the fact that not everyone who wants a same-sex marriage is gay, and it also prioritizes marriage (something that mainly affects gays and lesbians) over issues that affect the other letters in our acronym, such as trans-inclusive hate crime legislation. Last year, I was at an LGBTQ conference with other colleges in the Northeast, and we were asked to state our opinions on a number of issues affecting our community by standing in various boxes ranging from strongly agree to strongly disagree. When marriage came up, 95% of students strongly disagreed with Prop 8. When HRC’s actions concerning ENDA came up, 95% of students stared blankly at the man asking us questions, as they had no clue what he was talking about.

Let’s think about this for a minute: a bunch of students living on the east coast were up to date and very much concerned with a law in California concerning marriage, yet none of them knew about HRC lying to the trans community and pushing for a non-inclusive ENDA, an action that probably set our community back a good decade. They’ve since apologized, but it’s still troubling that this doesn’t quite register as a big concern within the LGBTQ community.

I also saw a lot of “born gay” signs this year, a phrase that annoys me more and more every time I hear it. I think it’s one of the worst approaches to homophobia our community has ever created. Besides the fact that it (absurdly) singles sexual orientation down to this one so-called “gay gene,” it assumes gender by suggesting that biology predetermines our attraction to gender. If we understand gender to be biologically innate (rather than a social construct), the “born gay” standpoint further complicates the LGB relationship with the trans community, and we have enough tension there to begin with. “Born gay” is an easy comeback to the argument that homosexuality is unnatural as well as the religious argument, but it’s more problematic than anything else, and completely ignores the fluidity of sexuality.

In addition to the born gay posters were signs that appropriated the language of the Civil Rights Movement. I believe I’ve posted about this before (one one of my blogs, at least), but I’m bothered by it so much more after Prop 8. As it is, offending the black community by equating our struggle with the Civil Rights Movement does nothing to help our relationship with people of color, but it’s especially offensive after we blamed black and Latino voters for the outcome of Prop 8. And that was only after opponents of Prop 8 did not go into communities of color to appeal for their vote in the first place…

I still love Pride events, and I always enjoy myself in the craziness of it all. But we’re not immune to homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, or racism just because we are a fairly progressive community. As a community so focused on our own oppression, we should be more conscious of the prejudice within our own community and the voices we silence in favor of the ones more marketable to heteronormative society.

(cross-posted on my main blog)

The dynamic between people of color and the LGBTQ community is problematic in a lot of ways, and lately, the posts at Queerty have really been getting to me. I’m not exactly a Sherri Shepherd fan, but they rip on her constantly, and it’s not always because she’s saying something blatantly homophobic (as in this video), but partially because the white gay men who think they can speak for our entire community are completely blind to the way race plays into this debate.

In this video, I actually think she brings up some pretty relevant points. While I agree that wives of cheating men run the risk of unknowingly contracting HIV regardless of whether they’re being cheated in with men or women, that’s not necessarily relevant to the reasons why black men are living on the downlow. The fact is, queer people of color (particularly black men, in this discussion) face many obstacles that white members of our community do not, both because of racism within our community and because of anti-LGBTQ prejudices within the black community. In this video, and especially in the second half of the video, it’s clear to me that while Shepherd doesn’t always have the most progressive views in terms of LGBTQ rights, part of the problem is that Thomas Roberts — the gay, white, former CNN anchor in this video — is not willing to recognize his own white privilege. In no part of this video does Shepherd deny the fact that black women can contract HIV through drug usage or unsafe sex with straight men; she simply points out the problematic reality of men on the downlow. And she’s heavily criticized for that simplistic explanation of HIV amongst black women, though Queerty’s justification for this criticism is just as (if not more) ignorant and simplistic. Why? They seem to overlook the simple fact that SHE IS BLACK, and probably has more knowledge of the black community than white gay men do. Call her “uneducated” all you want, but she doesn’t need to know statistics in order to understand the reality of black women who have been affected by the downlow.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard HIV+ black women speak in anger over the fact that their husbands cheated on them with men. I’ve even heard them say blatantly homophobic things about those men, and essentially blame the entire gay population for their disease. Those comments are in no way justified, but blaming a black woman’s “stupidity” on this “lazy explanation” isn’t, either. It also overlooks a lot of the important, relevant points made in this video with respect to the downlow. Do I agree with Sherri Shepherd’s religious, conservative, and sometimes homophobic views on various issues? Of course not. Do I think she sometimes makes ignorant claims about issues she’s not fully informed of? Absolutely. But I also think Queerty (and others) find it far too easy to push her aside as a black woman, arguing that she’s homophobic when in reality, they’re guilty of their own prejudices as well.

Things that bother me about this: 1. that I obviously don’t fall on that side of the nature/nurture debate :|2. the fact that it screams homonormativity3. the enforcement of the hetero/homo binary4. along with number three, the fact that same-sex marriage is referred to as “gay marriage” (not everyone with a same-sex partner is gay!)5. all the references to God6. the appropriation of “civil rights” (and this is after we blamed Prop 8 on the black and Latino vote…) Come on, people. Aren’t we supposed to be a progressive community? Get with the program.

Things that bother me about this:

1. that I obviously don’t fall on that side of the nature/nurture debate :|
2. the fact that it screams homonormativity
3. the enforcement of the hetero/homo binary
4. along with number three, the fact that same-sex marriage is referred to as “gay marriage” (not everyone with a same-sex partner is gay!)
5. all the references to God
6. the appropriation of “civil rights” (and this is after we blamed Prop 8 on the black and Latino vote…)

Come on, people. Aren’t we supposed to be a progressive community? Get with the program.